Holla at the Collar

Several weeks ago, I went to a wine tasting at a restaurant bar with a girlfriend of mine. Because I had come straight from the hospital, I was still wearing my work clothes, including my clerical collar. We sat at the head of the bar, talking, enjoying our wine, and splitting a pizza. Little did I know, I was creating a big stir. Eventually, a couple came up to us and said, “Excuse me, but are you a nun?” I smiled and told them that no, I was not a nun; I am an Episcopal priest. They looked pleasantly surprised and informed me that they were Catholic. The next time I went to the same restaurant bar, this time with my husband, the bartenders were highly amused that so many people had been curious about the woman + collar + drinking wine bit. Over the past year that I’ve been wearing the collar in the buckle of the Bible belt, I’ve received some different reactions, most notably confusion and ignorance. This article by Catherine Caimano confirmed what I had been suspecting – most people have no idea what the collar means, particularly when it’s a woman wearing it.

Another time, I ran out for lunch shortly before Easter weekend. The cashier asked me if I had any big plans for the weekend. I laughed, gestured towards the collar, and said, “Yeah, it’s Easter weekend.” He just looked confused. As Caimano puts it, the purpose of wearing the collar or any kind of religious habit is “to identify the wearer as religious, as someone who bears the traditions of the church even in the secular world and sometimes calls into question the values of that world.” But what good is it if people don’t really know what it means?

I live in a very religious part of the country, but as one of the bartenders in Amerigo put it, “People assume you’re either Baptist or Catholic.” There’s not a lot of room for anything in between and not a lot of knowledge of religious practices outside those two expressions of Christianity. I still fight to be recognized as an educated, called, and ordained minister on some days. Families at the hospital have referred to me as “that nice lady who prayed with us” and not as pastor, priest, minister, or chaplain simply because they don’t have a religious framework that puts together female and minister.

I love wearing the clerical collar. I love what it represents, even if I have to explain it, and I hope that more people will be like the couple who asked me if I was a nun. Because yes, I am a woman, and yes, I am 27 years old, and yes, I drink wine with my friends or husband at a bar after work sometimes, and yes, I am a priest, and yes, I love Jesus and serve God and God’s Church.

The bigger issue, as Caimano names it, is one of living in a world where Christian signs and symbols are no longer the lingua franca. We (I) can’t just assume that everyone knows what the collar means or what a priest does, even (especially) living in the Bible belt. And that makes it even more crucial to talk about it.

What To Wear?: Clergy Edition

In the Episcopal Church, it is common for clergy to wear a clerical collar, which poses some interesting issues for female clergy. Guys have it a little easier because they can basically just swap out their regular shirt for a clerical shirt. One of the blessings and curses of being a woman is that we have more flexibility in professional dress: dresses, skirt suits, dress pants, blouses, etc. The options are limitless, but having to work a professional wardrobe around a collar can be a bit trying. Additionally, nice, well-made, professional clothes are not inexpensive. While investing in the basics is certainly worthwhile, sometimes you need to buy more than one pair of pants at a time.

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Fortunately, nowadays, companies like WomenSpirit, who specialize in clergywear for women, exist. Instead of shirts tailored for men, it’s now possible to order a variety of styles of shirts that come with a collar that are actually made to fit a woman’s body shape.

I know that I’m not what people envision when they think about a priest. I’m young. I’m female. I try to be relatively hip, fashionable, and fun. I have two tattooes, and my belly button pierced. As a pear-shaped person, I like to dress in a way that emphasizes my waist but skims over my heavier hips and thighs. I would say that my personal style is professional but feminine. I have a style-crush on Emma Pillsbury from Glee, with a little less fuss.

Fortunately, the basic Emma template makes a great option for a clergy “uniform”. Pumps + skirt + cardigan over a “janie” or sleeveless shell works well. I also love that Emma wears a lot of color and accessorizes well. It’s easy to stick with basic black, but perhaps even a fun brooch can jazz it up a little bit. Even though I still feel like I’m might get struck by lightning when I put on my collar, here’s what the top half of the Emma-template might look like, as worn with a black knee-length skirt:

I think that this will give me a template with which to work, swapping out dress pants for the skirt or a blazer for the cardigan. I also purchased two Tahari skirt suits from SteinMart, which is my happy place. I’m always able to find professional, well-fitting clothes for a great price there.

Shoes pose another issue. My mom is always saying that she is searching for a purse that is bigger on the inside than it is on the outside. I’m searching for a shoe that is as comfortable as a flat but with a heel. No frump allowed. As bad as high heels are for your body, a little lift (1 1/2” – 2” heel) helps me feel more confident, particularly when I’m preaching. Closed-toe is certainly preferred for serving at the altar or making pastoral visits at the hospital, and I like something fashionable but not so distracting that you receive comments on your shoes rather than your sermon.

I love these. They’re $69 on Zappos and come in other colors. If the heel were slightly shorter, these would be perfect.

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It’s definitely going to take some trial and error to figure out what works and is flattering with the clerical collar. I also have blogs like Beauty Tips for Ministers to help me with the task of looking put together while in the trenches of ministry. I know there are things I haven’t even considered that I’ll likely run into. This doesn’t even cover vestments!

How would you describe your style?